Emotional Defaults
Emotional intelligence lets us experience a wide spectrum of emotions without getting trapped in a limited set of default patterns. As I began exploring my inner state, I noticed I was often stuck in the same emotions: sadness, fear, or numbness. These default emotions were ingrained in me during childhood. The only way I found relief was through anger and adrenaline. I would pick fights, escalate conflicts, or throw myself into reckless situations just to feel alive. But that way of living came with a high cost.
Over time, I realized this cycle was unsustainable. To change this behavior, I had to teach my body that it was safe to feel something different. This work involved noticing and observing emotions as they arose, staying curious about what was happening in my body, and sitting with sensations rather than avoiding or numbing them. I learned to regulate my nervous system and gradually expand my capacity for unfamiliar emotions like joy, love, empathy, and compassion.
By staying with uncomfortable sensations and building trust in my body, I developed acceptance and resilience. Teaching myself how to feel these new emotions created space for a richer, more meaningful way of experiencing life.
Here’s some ideas for expanding your emotional experience:
Listen to different genres of music while - dance and move to the music and notice how the feelings show up for you
Try different movies or shows that are out of your comfort zone (if you always watch action or thrillers, try a romantic drama)
Play with different body postures, movements or facial expressions that represent different emotions and notice how it shows up for you
Spend time sitting silently with yourself
Observe other peoples emotions, facial expressions, body postures
Print out a list of emotions or keep a copy on your phone and practice feeling into or imagining each one
Work with a coach or therapist who has experience in somatic work
* If you aren’t able to feel emotional sensations in your body, (or if it feels too overwhelming) it’s ok! It took me a long time to feel safe enough to allow the emotions to be felt. Be kind and patient with yourself.
